breathe, this is really happening

we are leaving for ethiopia in less than two weeks. i can't even believe i just typed that sentence. that is a sentence i have literally been waiting YEARS to type.

i have seen so many families, on blogs and facebook, take their trips to ethiopia and bring their children home. i went from thinking early on "that'll be us soon" to "that's never going to happen to us" to "oh my goodness, this is happening to us!". the fact that it is finally almost "our turn" is just too much for my heart and brain to handle right now. it is so so surreal and wonderful.

we will meet and touch and hold and hug and kiss our daughter two weeks from tomorrow. that hasn't fully sunk in yet. i know it's about to happen but i am still instinctively protecting my heart. on march 5th when she is legally declared ours and us hers, i feel like all the walls will come tumbling down.

i feel emotionally raw and vulnerable right now. i want to remain that way on our trip because i want God to use this trip to change me. i want Him to open my eyes to things i've never "seen", i want Him to use me and i want to feel divinely ruined when we get home. all of the things i "know" about poverty are going to come crashing down on me in ethiopia like never before. the word "orphan" is going to have hundreds of faces and names to go with it. it's not just a faraway concept anymore but a reality. i want to face it head on with my heart wide open and then come home and do something about it. whatever He wants me to do. whatever will bring Him the most glory.

the next two weeks are going to fly by. we are making arrangements, packing, 2 days of adoption training, work, kids school and all my other normal activities. 

i would covet your prayers. i would be lying if i said i wasn't afraid. i am facing a lot of fears. this is what we have wanted for so long yet some doubts are starting to creep in. what if we get sick over there, what if i feel afraid on the plane, what if i don't sleep well, what if judah has a hard time or gets sick/hurt while we're gone, what if she cries the whole time i hold her and doesn't like me? ugh. after all this and i STILL don't trust God? i don't want to let the devil steal my joy. i want nothing but joy from here on. this journey is coming to the end. we are about to meet our daughter and then a few weeks later...BRING HER HOME. amazing.

thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. it means the world to me. we could not have made it this far on our journey without the support of our family of believers. for the next couple of months my mantra will be "whom shall i fear? i know Who goes before me, i know Who stands behind. the God of angel armies is always by my side. the One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine. the God of angel armies is always by my side. nothing formed against me shall stand. You hold the whole world in your hands. i'm holding on to Your promises. You are faithful, You are faithful."