on bringing evie home

WE CLEARED EMBASSY MONDAY MORNING!!!

OUR DAUGHTER IS COMING HOME FOREVER NEXT THURS NIGHT!!!

We are in awe and shock. Our moment is finally about to arrive. Our daughter is coming home to be with her family, and will be here a mere 5 days before her first birthday. Amazing. That was our prayer when we first saw her sweet face, that we would have her home by her birthday - and we will. God is awesome and He is faithful and He has delivered our daughter. She will no longer be called orphan but daughter. I am so thankful for the wonderful care that she's received in Ethiopia, but it's not a mother's care. She has never been loved unconditionally by a mother, father and brothers. That makes all the difference. We cannot wait to take care of her the way she deserves to be taken care of.

God knew when we started this process 3 1/2 years ago that this would be her time to come home. He in all His wisdom knew the journey we were embarking on when we had no idea. Had we known, I don't know that my heart would have been able to handle it. He has grown us, strengthened us and carried us through this long, hard journey and we have arrived at the finish line. He has seen it through to the end. Thank you Lord.

For various reasons, Jason is going with his Dad to bring Evie home. I need to be here with the boys for their various activities, and want to be rested to take care of her when she comes home. Jason leaves on Friday with a Tuesday Embassy appointment and HOME FOREVER with Evie on Thursday night. It is very surreal. Below is a letter to our friends and family to let you know what our plan is and how you can be of help to us.

Dear friends and family,

We are so excited to finally be bringing Evangeline home! It is so surreal and wonderful and we could not have made it this far in our journey without the prayers and support of all of you! So, thank you so much for sticking with us through thick & thin, ups & downs and ins & outs! We can’t wait to have her in our arms forever!

I know that most of you are not as familiar as we are on international adoption attachment (seeing that we’ve had loads of training and YEARS to read up on it :-), so we wanted to let you all know what to expect and how you can help us with this. All of this is speculative at this point…ultimately, we will be reading her cues and assess periodically how she is doing. Everything is going to be overwhelming and over-stimulating for her at first. She has spent the majority of her life in one room and has rarely been outside.

When we come home, we will be “cocooning” at home with her for a period of time to work on bonding and attachment. Evie has had disruptions in her attachment since birth and has never really bonded with a “parent” in the way that she should. She has had MANY different caregivers just at Hilawe, and I was told that all of them have taken care of her at some point. While she’s had great care, she has not attached to any one of them and does not know what a Mom and Dad are. It is our job to teach her what that looks like and one huge way we can do that is to make sure that Jason or I are the ones meeting all of her needs (ie feeding her, changing her, putting her to bed, consoling her, excessive cuddling/kissing, etc). We read that for every year a child is in an institution, at least ONE MONTH of intense cocooning needs to happen. Our plan is to start with one month and go from there. During this time, Jason or I need to be within 3 feet of her at all times and we won’t take her on very many outings. I know this sounds extreme, but Jason and I want to get this right from the beginning so that there are no issues later on.

Believe me, I know how long some of you have waited to hold, hug and kiss on her and I understand that this is going to be the hardest part. We have decided that we don’t want anyone holding her at the airport and after we come home that day, immediate family only is welcome to come over and hold her for a short period of time and stay for a short visit. After that, we will be in lockdown, as Jason likes to say. :-) We’d like one week of no visitors (any meals can be left on the porch that week – I am sure that meals will be a HUGE help). After that first week, we are okay with family and friends coming for short visits, holding her for short periods of time, as long as Jason or I are right there, and no excessive hugging or kissing on her. We are taking all of our training and reading on attachment and making a plan that we think will work for Evie and be better for her in the long run. 

She may be overly friendly and reach for anyone and if so, we ask that you not pick her up if she does that during this cocooning phase and that you direct her back to Jason or I. We want her to know that we are her caretakers and that she will not be getting care from just anyone anymore. This is so important to her development but I know how it sounds. This is hardest for all of you, especially family, and we totally get that. We thank you in advance for honoring our requests and sticking to the plan. Ultimately this is all on Evie’s terms and we will be watching her closely, reading her cues and assessing her attachment with us.

After 3 ½ long years….SHE’S COMING HOME!!! Thank you Lord!

We love you all,

Jason & Summer